Pat Törngren

Pat Torngren, Editor, Parenting With LoveIt was a revelation to me to discover that when we think children are ‘misbehaving’, what is invariably happening is that they are acting out their needs and feelings the only way they know how. Since young children are mostly unable to verbalise whatever is upsetting them their so-called ‘bad’ behaviour is often a cry for help when they need us to assist them deal with emotional issues that are just too big for them to manage on their own.

I have spent the last 30 years of my life doing what I love the most – researching, writing and working with parents to help them understand and meet the needs of their babies and young children. My primary goal is to empower parents by helping them understand what their children are trying to communicate with them through verbal and non verbal means, often solving what seemed like unsolvable family problems. Since the way we relate intimately with each other is through feelings, I mostly approach parenting problems from this angle.

Having been through extensive therapy myself, and having spent hundreds of hours with other people reliving their own childhoods, I came to realise the importance of parents correctly interpreting what their children are trying to tell them through their behaviour, and the importance of allowing their children to express all their feelings (bad, mad, sad and glad) in an environment of understanding, love and acceptance.

Coming to this understanding, and being able to give parents the skills to deal, not just with the presenting behaviour of the child, but the underlying needs and feelings they are trying to express, turned the direction of my work around, and has helped numerous parents who were at their wits end. The purpose of this site is to share what I and my clients have learned, with parents all around the world, and help them have a happy and fulfilling parenting experience with their children.


  • 1974 – 1978 Studied Psychology and English at the University of South Africa.
  • 1975 Spent at the University of Cape Town doing Religious Studies (came first in my year).
  • 1978 – 1979 Trained as a Childbirth and Family Life Educator with the American Institute of Family Relations (before returning to South Africa).
  • 2007 – Qualified as an Aware Parenting Instructor with the Aware Parenting Institute (an international organisation based in the USA).

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